WELCOME, LOVERS, TO THE WILD WORLD OF INTIMACY! This column is more or less a serious discussion of the sexual mores of the religiously detoxed. First and foremost is the necessary emphasis of a couple's love for each other--not the juxtaposition of a deity above the couple's amour. Such juxtaposition relegates lovemaking to a secondary or mechanical function of only creating offspring, probably robbing the act of intercourse much of the unique pleasure it offers -- which is nature's wonderful invitation to procreate.

It is our belief that mature, loving relationships without the psychological intrusion of an un-proven, unknowable deity, offer uninhibited, conjugal excitement unparalleled in the known universe. Although this may seem an exaggeration, it can be an ultimate achievement of those dedicated to finding intimate love. This column is not advice for the lovelorn nor is it a quick and easy guide to a one-night stand.


WORK HARD; PLAY HARD (5 -- 20 -- 2008}

Recently I was talking to a friend about work. He was downtrodden and depressed in his tone. "Work, work work, and for what?" I nodded, agreeing with him. I nswered, "Yeah, I work hard too. But I play hard."

He looked at me like a 54 year-old man would at a 68 year-old antiquarian that I am. He didn't say anything, but his eyes revealed disbelief that someone my age could play hard. I asked him: "Don't you and your wife play anymore?" He was noncommittal, but again his eyes revealed that THAT didn't happen. They are solid Republicans, the party where the women are the keepers of propriety, and of the Faith.

I sometimes wonder just how many couples out there really appreciate each other, or in my friend's case, disdain traditional prudish mores. Time and over-familiarity does take its toll, and the love-flame begins to flicker. Personalities change and drift apart -- that first lusty causation a distant memory, those winning figures now filled out to larger proportions. It really is a shame, but then, maybe true love was never there in the relationship in the first place. Rushing into marriage without total, consuming love and respect is a recipe for failure at most, and unhappiness in the least.

However, if my friend is truly in love with his wife (and her appearance hasn't degenerated all that much after raising two kids), surely that spark can be fanned into flame again with but little effort. For instance, my wife was resting on the bed the other afternoon, her tiny feet still with canvas shoes on. I thought to myself that it had been some time since I gave her a foot massage -- even as she mentioned that her butt hurt. Early in our relationship foot massage was a favorite with her, and always led to more intimate touching. I asked if she'd like a foot rub, and she purred that that would be nice. "But I need a butt rub, too," she said as she kicked her shoes off.

I felt an immediate rush as I removed her socks, revealing such innocent little toes (I guess I have a foot fetish, but she never condemned me for it). Before long, we were under the covers and I was busy manipulating her foot parts with slippery Vaseline Intensive Care (it was very arousing). Next I moved my massaging hands up to her now bare butt, where she oohed and aahed with each finger prod. Such activity usually is accompanied by an occasional stray finger to a mysterious, hidden spot where the ooh return seemed heightened. Those stray sojourns I would increase until she was moving suggestively, grabbing me by my ears and planting her tongue into my mouth. Before long we were totally immersed in a serious, misty body-lock. To me, at my age, this is playing hard.

There are so many ways lovers can turn their spouses on -- if they want to! A kiss on the back of the neck, a hug of appreciation, stroking his or her back or buttock, even the knowing movement of a tongue -- the possibilities go on and on. Love and respect must be present. You must be your spouse's hero or heroine, which means helping with the chores and going that extra distance to continually win her or his heart. Regardless of politicians' or promoters' convincing diversions, the bedroom and its bed are the frontier of excitement -- surpassing NASCAR, Bungie jumping, sky diving, video games, or mechanical bull riding. There's less chance of physical catastrophe, but double the pleasure (satisfying your mate, not just yourself).

It is an opportunity to say, "I love you" over and over as the excitement mounts, peaks, before falling asleep in each other's arms. It is hard play, in a soft kind of way, with hardly a penny to pay! For this, neither of you have to pray.



LIFE'S EXPECTATIONS (Sept. 2007)

Children, poor children! Destined to a pre-pubescent life of apathy, boredom, and restriction. It's a wonder they survive that period without going crazy. And yet, childhood has its special times: comfort in a warm, well lit room with the wonders of imagination; a day at the beach dodging waves and building sand castles; the wonders of an amusement park or fair; playing Monopoly on someone's porch as the summer rain falls all around. My mother used to tell me -- perhaps in a fit of self-pity --"Enjoy your childhood because they are the best years of your life!" My wife's mother told her the same thing though we were raised hundreds of mile apart.

It is a sad testament to say that life ends at puberty, or maybe the late teens. With such a negative notion, it is no wonder teen suicides are high. With so many parents flipping out over the stress of making a living and raising children, too many kids suffer from the resulting chaos. To avoid this calamitous end, it is imperative that young couples contemplating a life together be totally convinced of their love for one another. It is not enough, to marry in order to ease the hormone driven sexual affinity, as the fundamentalist religions dutifully require (so as: 'not to burn' as the Bible says). Human sexuality was not designed to be interfered with by notions of prudery and chastity. It was designed to procreate with very strong emphasis not to be denied (The devil in this case is Mother Nature -- no prudery there).

It needn't be listed here the plethora of pitfalls and unhappiness that will likely occur if such an intimate arrangement is not understood. It is speculation, bordering on maddening, that such a special relationship as marriage can achieve expectations like: "I will come to love her;" or, "I know I can change him"; or "My friends (or parents) say he is good for me." And in so many cases, these marriages of condition are supposed to last for eternity -- with no chance of a change (as dictated in many orthodox faiths).

Impolitely, I say bullshit to such contrivances! Of course life isn't forever! A bad marriage should be annulled ASAP, and if that's not possible, then divorce is the ticket (It's still one of our freedoms -- I think). Happiness is first and foremost despite what any clergyman suggests or demands! Marriages made in heaven should stay there; real marriages must be grounded in reality, spiced with lovey-touchy adoration -- that is a requirement! Only then can the rest of a child's life become more, much more, than a childhood. I know, because I've been back there in those times of limited happiness -- and now that I'm well along in age, I'm enjoying life as never before, with my sweet wife, in our bedroom playpen (with no sides). To hell with amusement parks, NASCAR, bug biting beaches -- even football. Mark Twain had it right when he said there was no better pastime on Earth than making love to someone you love.


1. INTIMATE LOVE and SEX, CONTINUED (6-04-06)

Maybe I will repeat myself here from something I have written earlier in this column, but if I do, it bears repeating again. Love is such a fluid state of mind and body that it is only natural the sex act becomes that passion's ultimate physical expression. The sweet surrender in the arms of, and under the intoxicating influence of, one's mate is a truly joyful experience. This expression defined as true love and respect for one's mate is at least ten times the value of the sex act alone.

Lovers have won the great lottery! Cynics assert that the fairy tale love stories we are told when we are young simply are unreal. And I'm supposed to be cynical because of my disdain for matters of faith and superstition -- at least religious people think so of atheists and agnostics. But I assure them that there is such a fulfilling thing as true intimate love, and can unequivocally say that searching for and acquiring such a heady, blissful state of being should be everyone's goal in life.

True, there are other burning issues in one's life that need be addressed, like hunger and survival. Self-assuredness and good mental health are prerequisites also. Not everyone is preternaturally born equal; it's hard to be giddy when your next meal is a handout, or if you are distraught, or if you're a target of ethnic discrimination. But for those so afflicted, hope is available. Hope -- not prayer -- for the likes of us; and with a goal that hope can be focused.

The act of simply making love is so much more exciting than, say, risking life and limb bungee jumping, hang gliding, or sky diving. To me it exceeds going to the beach (sand in the shorts), Nascar racing, or most other sports. Of course sports and athletics keep one fit and should be practiced to hone one physically, but for relaxing excitement, loving intercourse just can't be beat -- the devil to those who say it's only for procreation! Mother Nature sure is randy in Her diabolical methods of getting us together, whether the outcome produces offspring or not.

One's loving spouse is a life renewing resource that should not be taken for granted or dismissed as boring. A goodly amount of marriages have evaporated over time because of many reasons, but tiring of a loving sex life should not be one of them. There are so many ways that such love can be mentally and physically renewed -- so many ways to express yourself, even in the boudoir (especially in the boudoir) that one need not wish to be polygamous or have need of a harem. Use your imagination, or ask your spouse what he or she would like to have done to themselves. Get a book on new sexual positions, or better yet, experiment in bed or on the floor, or wherever.

My wife and I are both in our second marriage, but after 66 months our sexual rapport just gets better and better -- and the unions get longer! There is seemingly no end to the positions we find ourselves in as we strive to satisfy and be satisfied. We can't keep our hands off each other when we are together in other places -- within acceptable reason of course -- holding hands, scratching backs, massaging each others neck, a kiss now and then. Sure I look at other women, but nothing is sweeter to me than seeing my wife's smile as she lies in bed beside me, inviting a kiss.

Falwell and Robertson would label us hedonistic, but that is a victimless crime.
And it's not a crime at all but only a sin (in their limited vision); for something to be sinful, first you have to believe it (similar to Voodoo). If the Republican theocracy goes on for a goodly length of time and bedroom police come into being, my wife and I will probably be brought up on charges of having too much fun (I think happiness may be a sin in their eyes). But until that time, we are going to enjoy ourselves with each other, and continue to discover how each of us can titillate the other until, you know what happens. Hey, at our age, bedroom excitement is so much safer than all those diversions that you pay a lot of money to experience (and which the government encourages -- to distract your attention from what fun and games they have going on).


DRUGS. REALLY?

I recently saw an article in our newspaper that begs comment. It seems that drug manufacturers of Viagra have given up on finding a similar drug to help women ease what many say is women's sexual dys-function. "Women are just too complex!" a drug spokesperson said when explaining his drug company's failure (it sounds like more "Intelligent Design " is needed here -- the Divine kind, I suppose).

This supposed "dysfunction" has been a real problem through the ages and is a goodly portion of the 'War between the sexes.' Men have a real problem understanding women (and vice-versa), and that misunderstanding
seems more exacerbated by the degree of orthodoxy maintained by a particular couple. I daresay -- and I'm not a marriage counselor or an anthropologist - that the more religious a couple is, the more of a differential in status exists between the man and his mate. The Bible and the Koran both subordinate and limit women's role on life's stage; it is very possible that there may be some un-conscious contempt by such women in living out their lesser role. Sure, they deny the existence of such animosity and say they are happy in their servitude. But are they really?
It seems that it is only a matter of common sense that hidden animosities do exist, thusly, the reluctance to be bedded by their demanding spouses on more than a few occasions.

It is comical that evangelical preachers, quoting the Bible, often admonish the congre-gation's women to "submit to their hus-bands." My first wife, who was led by the nose by fundamentalist doctrine, didn't have a
problem with this - since I was allotted visitation rights about twice a week. From what I have heard from other husbands married to religious women (the defenders of the Faith), I was pretty lucky: I knew of one
fellow who had sex with his wife about once a month; another, once, maybe twice in a year. In the extreme, there is the story of a husband not 'getting any' for a good portion of World War II, his wife using the war as a proper excuse not to have sex! That story comes to me from my present wife who repeats it on occasion about her former in-laws, who are now deceased. Those poor guys needed a lot of help from the clergy!

Notice in the above I used the phrase having 'sex.' There is no mention of love-making, because the lovemaking was next to nonexistent. The orthodox and fundamenta-lists are encouraged to marry young in order to avoid the pit falls of premarital sex, which they are taught such behavior is a sin. Consequently, they fall into the greater pit of marital despair from which there is no 'moral'
escape, after their sexual appetites have been depleted. Unsuited to spend the rest of life with each other, the war of the sexes becomes inevitable. Does any of this make sense?

I believe Frank Sinatra had it right when he sang 'The Second Time Around.' A good start at a lasting marriage might be to take the
honeymoon before tying the knot! But that's me, and my non-religiosity.

I remember an interview with Susanne Pleshette (I think it was in PLAYBOY). During
the interview she was asked to give her opinion of casual sex. She let the interviewer know in no uncertain terms that sex just for the fun of it was not a turn on for her.
Pressing on, the interviewer asked what would
happen if she was in a loving relation with a guy? "Then I can't wait to get him inside me!" Was her answer.

Here I go again dare-saying, but I daresay that where there is love, there is no war
between the sexes. Remember the song in CAMELOT: 'How to Handle a Woman?' "Simply love her, love her, love her." It has been my experience that it is that simple. No war. No macho display. If you love someone, just say it -- just do it. It's a pity that fundamentalists will never drop their weird orthodoxy, drop their guard and go see a play like CAMELOT -- and learn to exper-ience the thrill of living.

Maybe women (and men) really don't need a pill at all. Maybe what they, and the world need is love.

Ron Stauffer (9-7-05)


GETTING OLDER? (3-01-2005)

HARK!!! It just gets better! Getting older is not generally considered a picnic, but love and sex with one's loved mate is just as exhilarating (if not more so) than ever. The fact that the rendezvous takes more time might be BECAUSE of age, or BECAUSE there is more time available for love-making, or BECAUSE experienced love-making techniques are further developed and consummated. The 'Golden Years' can really be Platinum Pleasuring, a wonderful pastime in bed (or wherever--but I recommend in bed) where time and age are literally put on hold!

Looking into the mirror is not as discouraging after I have looked into my wife's face and seen her smile--seeing a remarkable resemblance to her countenance of our first meeting. Knowing from her smile that she sees the exact same thing in my face, I can re-look in the mirror and actually visualize a more youthful face. No, it hasn't diminished some of the aches and pains associated with my age, but it hasn't diminished my ardent desire to hold my sweetheart and crush her to me and feel her purring appreciation.

Whether it be the middle of a sleepless night or an early morning stimulus, my mate is there for me (or vice-versa), and a kiss on her sweet, unadorned face nearly always leads to another, and another, and a slippery slide to ecstasy. Getting older can be a pain, but it is a pain that I can take with a smile--and when someone asks me how I'm doing, I usually answer "Excellent," or "Never better," even though my back is killing me.


THE 'LITTLE BLUE PILL' CULTURE
(7-28-2004)

Freud was right; sex and its driving force seems involved in most every human endeavor. Even religion and their hooded priests address the subject in a less than circumspect way, usually assigning a negative connotation to it. On the other hand, mature men and women revel in its misty wonderfulness, whether intentionally procreating or not. It appears the world is made up of two kinds of people: those who are confused and unhappy who would spit and stammer that sex and its release is the workings of the devil; then there are those in the world who take sex at face value, enjoying its irresistible force as not only being pro-creational but recreational as well.

While in the process of losing my religion, I did attend church now and again with my first wife (the defender of the faith), thinking that the sermons preaching virtue could not hurt my two young children (well, I was wrong about that -- but that's another story). What I found most interesting about the preacher's sermons was his occasional reference to biblical advice beseeching wives to regularly 'submit' to their husbands. I always took that admonition to mean that evangelical wives should 'put out' to their husbands every once in a while.

Now, my first wife (she left me five years ago, and I am now happily re-married) was very understanding of my need to have sex, and I was allotted visitation rights one or two times a week. She tried to convince me that any more than that might kill me (so what a great way to go, I answered -- but she was not impressed with my lack of fear of death). So I accepted my station in life stoically -- not into wife beating or extremely negative harangues. Every now and then, when we discussed philosophical matters, she related to me her view on the feminist movement that she was basically against: "We don't need the Equal Rights Amendment, 'cause us women are really in control anyway" and she would look down in the general vicinity of her well clothed love patch. I had often heard of this kind of control, referred to as 'pussey whipped,' and I tried to assure myself that I wasn't one of its victims. (Of course her minister assured her that she would bring me back into the church with her controlling techniques -- but THAT didn't work).

Amazed that men younger than I find it hard to 'get it up,' I am thankful for the liberal amount of testosterone coursing through my body, since my new wife (of four years, now) and I make love from three to five times a week. Evangelical wives (and preachers) must find the 'little blue pill' disconcerting in their programs of control. All I have to do is kiss my wife and I tingle all over -- and I'm 65! Often, in the bedroom, we kiss and watch it grow just for the fun of it. This is a manifestation of love, pure and simple -- a wondrous love we have for each other! I venture to say that conjugal marriages that depend on a blue pill may not be based on an all-consuming, all giving love. I just laugh at the one pill manufacture whose boast of a four hour erection "requires immediate medical attention." Hey, I'm in favor of those long erections -- bring it on!

I have been reading about the Mormons (LDS = Latter Day Saints) and the Fundamentalist Mormons (FLDS). These two branches of that religion hate each other according to Jon Krakauer who authored UNDER THE BANNER OF HEAVEN. The FLDS maintain Joseph Smith's tenet, found in his DOCTRINE AND COVENANTS, Section 132, concerning the "new and everlasting covenant" of plural marriage. Joseph Smith supposedly had thirty-three or more wives. I suspect this was another way of getting it up. Make no mistake -- men just love the feeling of 'getting it up' -- and if you can post-date it as a sacrament of your new religion, all the more power to you, Joseph, you sly, horny dawg! No chance of being pussey whupped there.

Though both sects admire and adhere to Joseph Smith's teachings, the LDS dropped polygamy to gain respectability (and statehood into the United States). Since then, the LDS has treated the FDLS as a cousin to be shunned. And the FDLS has accepted the shunning as a badge of honor, highlighting the main church's hypocrisy (ain't religion wonderful? You don't need to read the comic pages as long as you have such interesting internecine carping for comic relief). The LDS encourages young people to marry early to avoid the horrible pitfall of pre-marital sex -- mature love be damned! The FDLS encourages every man to marry really young girls whether the girls want to marry or not -- the more wives, the merrier, to wit: the Elizabeth Smart kidnapping and brain washing. And the LDS, folks, is the fastest growing religion in America today!

On the one hand we have here, young monogamous marriages that suffer a high divorce rate, and on the other, polygamous marriages -- happy or not, sapping welfare money from the state and federal governments -- all of their minions under the fear of burning in hell. If you want to see heaven or hell, Krakauer suggests you visit Colorado City, Arizona, on the Utah border (but you'll have to do some investigating to see the hell).

Like they claim with morality, religions want to corner the market on the sex trade. They are so far out of touch with the possible height of sexual pleasure it's sad -- real sad. The religionists are afraid of sex, calling it all kinds of names like hedonism, original sin, Sodom and Gomorah and licentious. But evangelicals are against most anything in life, betting all the eggs in their basket on a wonderful, sexless place called heaven where they won't be confounded with the choices they have here on earth. All their choices will have been made for them and they can continue to think not. It is too bad -- a crying shame -- that all of their mentality was sucked out of them by their mothers at a very early age, all in the name of defending the faith (many fathers deserve some credit for that heinous crime, too).
L.C.


LOVE & SEX (12 - 6 - 03)

I have read somewhere (and can't remember the source so to give proper credit) a kind of warning label in regards to love. Often times marriage is consummated as a social goal rather than as a personal happiness achievement. Loneliness, economic security or religious peer pressure might significantly effect a couple's motivation toward marriage. A truly loving relationship is recommended, but one cannot wait forever for miss/mister right to come along. However, one question should be asked and answered before such a large step is taken: Do you love the person because you need him/her, or do need this person because you love him/her? If you answer yes to the second part of the question, I think the upcoming relationship will be a healthy and happy one.

LOVE & SEX : AN UNFAIR (non)BOOK REVIEW (3-08-2003)


Recently, I saw advertised a book on sex without love in one of our own freethought book catalogues that astounded me. A brief abstract of the book (I will not mention its title because I have not read it--and do not want to) describes that sex can be fulfilling outside of the condition of being in love. I must say, I've been there and done that, and find a premise for such a book as being absurdly misleading. Unequivocally, the art of love making is most satisfying and undemanding when within the misty aura of loving intimacy.

If the author's intent is to present a guide to the sexual conquest of maidens and women (or the opposite gender, as the case may be) purely for singular pleasure, he is prescribing a very limiting endeavor. I know it is unfair to be critical without reading his effort, but the title seems like such a turnoff (like WHY BART SIMPSON ENJOYS SUNDAY SCHOOL). Sex in the embrace of love--and maybe this is his reasoning: it is truly so rare--is all consuming, never demanding, totally fulfilling and a long, very long lasting event). As has been said earlier, intimate sexual love is possibly, and probably, the highest--the ultimate--experience in the cosmos that we know! Intimate love is a worthy goal for everyone, but perhaps achieved only by a very lucky few.

It sounds as if this book may be a good how-to manual to find sexual gratification in the interim (if the above goal is mentioned). Imaginative masturbation may be included and, if that be the case, may be good reason to buy the book. But unless willing, consenting partners are brought together in what is really a learning, therapeutic experience, it can hardly be more gratifying than an exciting, erotic event (which can't be a small pleasure in itself). Imaginative masturbation, an erotic state of satisfaction (like in your wildest dreams) can be achieved and, hopefully, someday love will provide a partner as equally open. Self-gratification will then advance to SIGNIFICANT consummation and full surrender to one's partner.



THE LAW OF RECIPROCITY--SQUARED (10-05-2002)

As opposed to LOVE STORY's "Love means never having to say you are sorry," a fitting definition of Love could be: Wanting to do for your lover, or spouse, as much or more than what you would ever expect in return. Absolute, unconditional, true love could be defined as a couple living the above ideal.

The above could be extended to relations with your neighbor(s). To be an excellent neighbor, one should be ready to give that extra inch of ground or give a little more than what you perceive your neighbor gives. That way, you know you've performed every bit of your obligation, and chances are the neighbor will recognize your efforts and treat you accordingly.

Following at a later date will be articles and anecdotes pertaining to human sexuality that will be meant to be educational and enlightening. Any titillation will be purely coincidental.

------------------------------------------------------------------

LOVE & SEX ( = HAPPINESS? ) 9-15-2002

It goes without saying that love and intimate sex bring happiness. But the questions are:
1. Is happiness a product of intimate sexual love? Or,
2. Is happiness first required to achieve intimate sexual love?

It is our opinion that one must first have a true understanding of one's self ( Know thyself--Plutarch). Any teenager would admit to you in private (certainly not within earshot of any one of his or her peers) that is easier said than done. With understanding of one's self comes self-respect or self-esteem.

Troubled youths and, yes, troubled adults can suffer serious lack of self-esteem, therefore happiness is elusive to them. As a personal experience I, too, suffered low self-esteem into my thirties. I was suicidal and had bought "FINAL EXIT," by Derek Humphry, a book offering assist advice on terminating one's life. Since in my state of depression, I felt no need to economize, I bought two self-help books at that same time. As I was in no rush to commit the gruesome act, I read the first several chapters of the self-help books (of which I don't remember the names) and found some positive counsel.

The one book offered the advice: "Keep your headlights shining straight ahead. . . don't look backwards or over your shoulder." This kind of became a mantra for me since I had always lived and reviled my past, though I had never done anything evil (religious law excepted). I had a terrible inferiority complex and was probably bipolar, a condition I inherited from my mother who had eventually committed suicide herself.

The other book offered very sage advice in acquiring self-esteem: try to become very proficient in some vocation--to the point that people clamor to obtain your services. Being fairly proficient in my vocation, I worked at becoming the best. Over time, I became more and more in demand until today I do no advertising and people come to me through other's recommendation. In the same period of time, my self-esteem had grown leaps and bounds and now I have a tremendous incentive to live every day of life to its fullest. My present marriage is one of total delight.

In concluding, it seems to me that self-esteem helps lead to happiness, which then may lead to finding an equally well adjusted and happy soul mate. In such a union it is more than likely intimate sexual love will be realized. Others may have found such happiness in their religious union, but I found no comfort in what religion had to offer in my dysfunctional years.

LOVE AND SEX (12-01-IYGD*2002) *In the Year of the Great Delusion-------------------

Love sometimes takes the guise of companionship and/or sexual gratification. Generally, fundamentalists encourage their lonely and sexually starved youth into early marriage to satisfy the young's social and biological needs. The price too often paid for a match-up of this sort (that is supposed to last for 'eternity') can be separation or divorce when their loneliness and physical lust is dunned by the long years of familiarity. This is a common problem among conservative Christians--their divorce rates being higher than moderate faith groups, and significantly higher than atheists and agnostics.

Once again, the inflexibility of a rigid faith-based culture is shown to exhibit misunderstanding of the 'problems' that it purports to salve. This inflexibility includes intolerance of natural sexual yearnings which are suspected to lead to the 'slippery slope' of masturbation, 'improper' fantasy and pre-marital sex. The first two, we assure the reader, are innocuous pastimes intended for the most part to relieve a very demanding biological urge. Pre-marital sex, on the other hand, can be risky business and should be contemplated with the utmost care to avoid injury to health and an unwanted pregnancy. After due consideration of the possible pitfalls of having sex outside of marriage, it is possible that sexual union can be very satisfying to a loving, unmarried couple. In fact, we recommend that a couple's honeymoon be enjoined (and enjoyed) prior to the marriage ceremony to ferret out any possible quirks that could sabotage the marriage later.

A psyche free of the confining elements and baggage of the FAITH ordained parallel universe, knows no bounds to happiness. This freedom can be achieved with a discourse of reason within one's self, systematically dissecting and recognizing (unraveling self-analysis) the illogical tenets of superstitious fiction. We think that the confusion and dogmatic opinions offered by the innumerable teachers of faith may be the root cause of: neurosis, teen suicide, hallucination, xenophobia, homophobia, fear of death, murderous fanaticism, and unhappiness in general. Freeing oneself from the contradiction of chaotic nothingness couched in supposed spirituality, relieves the mind to pursue the real mysteries and wonders of life. The universe of the human mind, once disentangled, becomes limitless and an extension of our natural senses, in savoring the qualities of our surroundings. In short, religion is not an 'opium of the people' so much as it is a crutch for mediocre social survival. Life based on REASON can be higher than a 'Rocky Mountain high' without the need of any drugs.